Struggle Mashup: Book 1

Struggle Mashup: Book 1


Cory Ballad
1









This is moving me one step closer to realizing my vision: combining my passions to fully express my creativity.  This is a collection of original poems and fan art practice sketches. 
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For Doubters

They tell me

 I’m wasting my time with all this ,

“creativity”

I tell’em,

 “Well, I rather be dead!

Cuz I already am without it!”

Can’t you see?

I’m a mo’fuckin’ genius!

What’s wrong with creativity?”
3

4

Dirty Air Force Ones

One night I was walking down the street

There was a man with holes

in the shoes on his feet.

Then, along came some young men

One, out in front, taunted and teased

He said whatever cruel and wicked thing that he pleased.

Oh, how they laughed and laughed

in that poor man’s face

When they were satisfied,

vanished,

without a trace.

That man with the holes continued walking down the street

until he reached the fine leather

of his foreign car’s seat.

That next day,

 the one out in front went hopeful

into a job interview

The person in charge

he already knew.

His history to humiliate and harass

Left the one out in front

Out on his ass.

5

6

7

Moving Day

I cannot pay my rent

they kicked me out a month ago

Now I am back in it

I never moved my furniture

and now my ass is sittin'

on that couch that’s by the door

My forks are in the kitchen

My clothes are in the laundry room

Do not plan on leaving

I have no funds to relocate

Tell ya I am blue

I smoke all day  to elevate,

elevate my mood,

my mood up to the ceiling

I drink all night to alleviate

this pain that I been feelin'

Anguish it won’t leave me ‘lone

I wish I had a Genie

then I wouldn’t live this way

Strife is gonna kill me, 

kill me til I’m dead and gone

Tomorrow they’ll be back

cuz it a be cleaning day

They will find me waitin'

this nameless, faceless, homeless stray. 
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9

Cybersex Quan

When Dee walked in the room

Quan was chatting on video

Dee needed to be informed why

was Kita revealing her kitty-hole

and Quan his Oscar Meyer

Did he conclude she had retired 

to the other room for the night?

Was this common practice when she wasn’t around?

Quan replied that his affinity to indulge in the

infraction was contextual

but was mostly the effect of Dee’s

neglect that was sexual

He was also aroused by the non-conventional

That’s why he was on-screen, exposing

his un-mentionables

Dee was dumbfounded and unbelieving

Then informed Quan it was her bat, she would

be retrieving.

When Dee went back into the room

Quan hit the door.
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11

Midtown Melee

He was the janitor in a 3 room property where some renters lived

he needed to get out the trash.

One man that lived there was mad, told him to never come in his room.

The janitor thought he would pay him no mind-

continue his job he assumed.

The man got mad as hell and contested his presence more belligerently.

As the tenants filled the hall,

The janitor questioned the man’s sanity

Reason for him being there was the job-

That’s all…

So they argued back and forth,

The janitor making his appeal, but the man was paranoid from using dope

his anger, by words, could not be healed.

Blindly he grabbed a lock

and attacked the janitor

beating him savagely til blood filled the hall.

The tenants hesitated to interrupt his drug-induced insanity

but finally,  the altercation did cease.

Janitor left in an ambulance

The man exited with the help of the police.
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13

Common

Common.

Ordinary.

Vomit.

You make me very,

sick with your

basicness

Don’t think that I don’t know

your tricks

Don’t think I don’t see that shit

I know how you be spinning it

Know you be grinning when

You think

You out here sinning slick.

Common is what you be

Your basicness-

so plain to me

I’m what they call a vision-

ary

That’s why I detect,

your ordinary.

Common. 
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16

Depleted

When you do something right,

They got shit to say bout it

When you do something wrong,

They got shit to say bout it

If you are too fast,

It ain’t good enough

If you are too long,

It ain’t good enough

When you try to fight back,

They appalled

When you bite your tongue,

They appalled

Then you stay away

They searching for you heavy.

Every time they in the

vicinity,

Your glow is a little more

dull.

You believed you

escaped the toxicity,

but they have penetrated

your skull.
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20

Weak Spot Courage Chant

Please give me strength

to write again

When darkness falls,

Still, I pick up that pen

if I fall,

I record the sin

Breathe-

take it in

Distribute my vulnerabilities

let them see

the true,

the inner me.

21

Weariness

If you faint not

If you faint not

If your mind with criticism from others

you taint not

If doubt on your canvas

you paint not

If your sacred vision you restraint not

You shall flourish

If you faint not.

22









Cory Ballad 2019
23

Leaps & Bounds Above

Leaps & Bounds Above

Sometimes, you feel yourself on the edge,

drifting off into the abyss.

Its frightening

no one else is there.

There’s a Difference

There’s a Difference

Didn’t quit

found out it wasn’t for me

decided to devote

my energy on a new (the right) thing.

2 Minutes

2 Minutes

Deserted, Dismal, Destiny

who knows the reason why

you left me here

afraid and lonely

honestly, I know the truth

time is not in our favor

but won’t you work with me?

2 minutes ago

she was alive

lying beside me

now,is now

now she’s not

now she’s gone

crushed my world.

A reality I tried a million times to grip

but time won’t allow my heart to heal

and let’s my mind slip

to a place where I feel like leaving here-

my crushed world

two fates were condemned

when fate chose that girl.

2 minutes

is all I ask of you

I know we all are leaving here

but must she leave so soon?

Deserted, Dismal, Destiny

This is what you left for me?

No, please!!!

If I could go back 2 minutes

If time was for me

instead of against me.

Humane Productivity

Humane Productivity

A productive day

is a joyous day

but the meaning of productive is unclear for many.

The Mindset Shift

The Mindset Shift

Contemplate that which you desire

not that which you fear,

its best this way.

Badd Though

Badd Though

That bag is more expensive than you think-

check your medical bills

you badd though.         

Lost Girl

Lost Girl

In the streets,

the young lady seeks love from a man

never having experienced this form of love.

Bow!!!

Bow!!!

You don’t wanna have a baby with me?

but you laid up and made this baby with me

all them nights over my house

when you knew you had another lady

now you mean to tell me she get a ring?

you get to go on?

you took my life,

and my child’s life

but she your future wife?

I’ll be damned,

never that,

I won’t go,

not this way

I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear every bitch will pay-

you and your fiancé-

look alive!!!

Alive,

the opposite of my baby

I spent years looking crazy

followed by feeling guilty

nigga, I’m a change it to being guilty

with a murder in the first degree

then plead justifiable insanity

Bow!!!

bounty on yo head nigga,

you and that bitch is dead nigga.

Bow!!!

Life Blood

Life Blood

Some time “Grind Time”

can leave you behind time

as if you were without sight-

blind

out the loop missing divine time

once allotted to your love line.

Since we can’t rewind time,

take time to unwind

reconnect with your blood line.

Essential

Essential

Essential,

important,

of pertinence,

you matter

to me

all because you foster

my vulnerability

you give my feelings

validity

you smile

when the world

showed me immense cruelty

now that I have established,

in your arms,

a sense of security,

we are as one

essentially.

Essential,

detrimental,

imperatively speaking

how healing your love is

to my being.

A substantial length of time

I was seeking

to discover this essential love

I honor this essential love.

Nuisance

Nuisance

Something like a nuisance,

a disturbance,

a chaotic energy,

a dramatic,

an emphatic,

pesky enemy

Something about a nuisance,

that enters your bloodline

has that way of assuring

your misery’s streamlined

Something that a nuisance,

said

to discombobulate

your head,

infiltrate your wellness,

then fled

That chaotic energy remains

and the nuisance persists:

annoy to destroy

then repeats after this…

Before You Knew

Before You Knew

I was working so hard

I neglected myself

Then I crashed before I knew.

What You Weren’t

What You Weren’t

I just realized

I once felt you were worth my time, my

energy, my body, my heart, my mind

                                Damn.

Zip it

Zip it

Last word,

the last word,

I need it,

give it to me,

Correct,

I am,

but you don’t see clearly,

you don’t understand fully,

you don’t contemplate wisely

so if you can’t arrive at my conclusion,

I will discount you entirely

and argue with you defiantly,

and constantly,

and loudly

See my arrogance,

see my stubbornness,

I wear it very proudly

But is it?

is it that?

when you’re truly stating facts?

or should you let it go?

when you know what you know ,

when you know that you know

Is it better to relinquish a disagreement

and surrender your control?

sometimes a relation can be sustained

indefinitely,

or mended immediately,

should you play the humble role.

Keep Up Season

Keep Up Season

Could it be you can’t cut off everyone?

That you’re not as independent as you believed

You need someone, some time.

Truth be Told

Truth be Told

We can be lied to by anyone at any given

time,

don’t judge too harshly, reasoning

sometimes in their mind, they're

telling the truth

Jamboree

Jamboree

Life was whack

it was sad to see

all the whackness

plaguing the community

The Wembly’s

disapproved of the grim, dim

reality

they put on a large block party

Games for children,

dj’s spinning,

and baking confectionaries,

folks dancing and laughing,

beaming with glee

the Wembley’s found the event

satisfactory

so vowed to continue

with an occasional jamboree

Struggle Song: Book 2

Struggle Song: Book 2

Cory Ballad

1

FML, but Wait…

It rains

I seek refuge

The sun shines instantly

2

Midtown Melee

He was the janitor in a 3 room property where some renters lived

he needed to get out the trash.

One man that lived there was mad, told him to never come in his room.

The janitor thought he would pay him no mind-

continue his job he assumed.

The man got mad as hell and contested his presence more belligerently.

As the tenants filled the hall,

The janitor questioned the man’s sanity

Reason for him being there was the job-

That’s all…

So they argued back and forth,

The janitor making his appeal, but the man was paranoid from using dope

his anger, by words, could not be healed.

Blindly he grabbed a lock

and attacked the janitor

beating him savagely til blood filled the hall.

The tenants hesitated to interrupt his drug-induced insanity

but finally,  the altercation did cease.

Janitor left in an ambulance

The man exited with the help of the police.

3

LLC

Begged for food,

They said no,

Mentioned loud,

They said let’s go.

4

Squelch Joy

Life is good

Life is grand

Ah, join a fucking marching band!

5

Depleted

When you do something right,

They got shit to say bout it

When you do something wrong,

They got shit to say bout it

If you are too fast,

It ain’t good enough

If you are too long,

It ain’t good enough

When you try to fight back,

They appalled

When you bite your tongue,

They appalled

Then you stay away

They searching for you heavy.

Every time they in the

vicinity,

Your glow is a little more

dull.

You believed you

escaped the toxicity,

but they have penetrated

your skull.

6

Toxic People

Every time

I see you

I run the other way

7

Circus Dust

When clowns give you advice,

but are unaware they are clowns

Dust.

8

Ugh, Brat!!!

I don’t have many shoes

less than 200 pairs

I’m damn near homeless

9

Ghetto Nomad

He was a drifter

Didn’t know where he would smoke his

next black

Didn’t know where his next egg sandwich

was coming from

10

Boundary Issue

If you put me in a box,

They’d charge you an arm and a leg for shipping

I’m good on your box.

11

Common

Common.

Ordinary.

Vomit.

You make me very,

sick with your

basicness

Don’t think that I don’t know

your tricks

Don’t think I don’t see that shit

I know how you be spinning it

Know you be grinning when

You think

You out here sinning slick.

Common is what you be

Your basicness-

so plain to me

I’m what they call a vision-

ary

That’s why I detect,

your ordinary.

Common. 

12

Cybersex Quan

When Dee walked in the room

Quan was chatting on video

Dee needed to be informed why

was Kita revealing her kitty-hole

and Quan his Oscar Meyer

Did he conclude she had retired 

to the other room for the night?

Was this common practice when she wasn’t around?

Quan replied that his affinity to indulge in the

infraction was contextual

but was mostly the effect of Dee’s

neglect that was sexual

He was also aroused by the non-conventional

That’s why he was on-screen, exposing

his un-mentionables

Dee was dumbfounded and unbelieving

Then informed Quan it was her bat, she would

be retrieving.

When Dee went back into the room

Quan hit the door.

13

Help!: A Great Prayer

Send someone!

Let’em fall out the sky!

We’ll figure somethin’ out…

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Cory Ballad 2019

15

Prestige

Prestige

Prestige, prestige,

the man is very notable

the words that he speaks

are often quotable

and send a sensation

through many nations,

he’s recognized at gas stations,

and forums, and halls,

kisses babies, and shakes hands

and takes pictures at malls.

His contributions

are surely plentiful

so speaking ill of the movement

is reprehensible,

it won’t stop,

it keeps growin’,

he keeps pushing the agenda

til everybody knowin’

Prestige, prestige

your ignorance is showin’

respect the king

when his greatness is glowin’

No People Pleasers, Please

No People Pleasers, Please

Old lady Clara,

she don’t really know Tee,

but she knows what he should be doing,

when he reach 33.

Tara was sexually liberated

and child free,

but Orlando believed

Tara was not a lady

Then, her neighbors asked

when she would marry

plus her mother needed her

to bring a grandbaby

The reason being:

she was close to 30

April wanted to have a career

the other women surrounding her

interfered:

that’s not what those in her circle did

Antonio pursued to work in the arts

However, his father,

felt that was neither "masculine" nor smart.

He urged his son to settle for certainty

to go down the street

and work at that factory

Others will have their expectations of you,

They are not yours to bare

You have to live your life,

Make Your Decisions.

Dare.

Asking the Wrong Things

Asking the Wrong Things

I’ve given you everything you said you desired.

Now, it isn’t enough.

Are you certain of what you require, madam?

Flow

Flow

In the flow,

there is peace,

there is sanity.

LLC

LLC

Begged for food,

They said no,

Mentioned loud,

They said let’s go.

Don’t Say that to Me!!!

Don’t Say that to Me!!!

Cautious with your inner-dialogue-

be

Dummy!

Damn!

Damn, Dummy!

Why are these things I have said to me?

Can you lack without being at fault?

Do you despise yourself?

Others criticize often enough,

Why would you demise yourself?

Gotta coddle yourself,

Gotta mend yourself

Self-deprecating thoughts-

Gotta defend yourself

If you begin in your self

you have a fighting chance. 

Y Factor

Y Factor

You compare her to certain men in her position,

yet you don’t consider the boundaries

placed upon the women,

and believe she is brutal in her decisions

then downplay her demeanor

to simply “bitchin”

But a woman works overtime

in pursuits of business

in order to

maintain respect for her vision

so certain men who share the same position

are not in her position.

Perhaps there is an angle

in which

your position is dismissive.

Sleep is an Escape

Sleep is an Escape

I don’t want to go back to sleep

but sometimes I get discouraged.

You see I would much rather get up and go on

but there is that thing nagging at me,

telling me I am not good enough.

I try to fight it off,

it seems like every day I beat the hell out of it,

it’s back and better than ever the next day

and every day I’m a little more worn down

than the last time.

Maybe I fear one of these days

I won’t have enough to kick its ass.

Makes me wonder, “Is it really a big deal to just stay here all day?”

Online Dating Era

Online Dating Era

Met her on this app, she looked so

great nude

Met her in person,
she was a dude. 

A New Perspective on Love Without Money

A New Perspective on Love Without Money

Maybe we have it wrong

Maybe instead of love can’t pay the bills,

it should be money can’t suck you off on the

stairwell.

Fish in the Sea (Literally)

Fish in the Sea (Literally)

Thought she’d never find another that

was akin to him

met a dude the next day at the beach

enjoying a summer swim

#hoesbelosintoo

#hoesbelosintoo

Rob said Tia was fuddy-duddy

cuz she never gave up no cuddy

soon, every time Tia would text,

to reply-

Rob would neglect

he got up with another freak hoe

and every night,

bussed her down from twelve- fo’

neither were interested in a relationship,

but in achieving

a wet tip.

Every few weeks,

a new freak hoe would come around

Rob would put the old hoe down

This went on years…

Tia went on to find a true lover

but, Rob comes home

to no one under his cover.

Now all the women know he’s a joke.

He wishes he had a fuddy-duddy.

How it Be

How it Be

You go through a lot of stuff

to figure out a lot of stuff

to still be confused 

Cruel Tricks, Funny Stories

Cruel Tricks, Funny Stories

Had a senior moment

flushed my teeth

down the toilet.

Struggle Song: Book 1

Struggle Song: Book 1

Cory Ballad

1

Success

At first

I was afraid

Did it anyway

2

Stubborn be Winning

I did not listen

Criticism arrived

I knew I was right

3

Moving Day

I cannot pay my rent

they kicked me out a month ago

Now I am back in it

I never moved my furniture

and now my ass is sittin'

on that couch that’s by the door

My forks are in the kitchen

My clothes are in the laundry room

Do not plan on leaving

I have no funds to relocate

Tell ya I am blue

I smoke all day  to elevate,

elevate my mood,

my mood up to the ceiling

I drink all night to alleviate

this pain that I been feelin'

Anguish it won’t leave me ‘lone

I wish I had a Genie

then I wouldn’t live this way

Strife is gonna kill me, 

kill me til I’m dead and gone

Tomorrow they’ll be back

cuz it a be cleaning day

They will find me waitin'

this nameless, faceless, homeless stray. 

4

When I Became a Writer

I picked up my pen

I wrote everyday

Then I was a writer.

5

MMI

I dreamed that I saw you

You were here with me for a time

For us to share the same space and energy,

Glorious.

Sublime.

I’m grateful my mommy visited me

Even if it was in a dream.

6

Persistence Pays Off

Its been a mighty long road

Many nights I had no sleep

Persistence pays off

7

Two Worlds

Some say I can’t do anything right

I’m cheerful,

I’m intelligent,

 but I’m not white

They say I laugh too loud and have too much fun

And ask why I’m not normal:

Complacent, silent, miserable and hopeless like everyone

Some say I can’t do anything right

I’m passionate,

and driven,

 and I’m too light

They say I’m not concerned with the right things

Like cars, and drugs and hoes with tongue rings

They say I’ll never succeed, just have more fun

And ask why I’m not normal:

Complacent, silent, miserable, and hopeless like everyone.

8

Torture Yourself

If I could stay out my head, I would be happier

but that would never happen

Misery isn’t that terrible.

9

Celebrate Yourself

If whatever you do is never enough for yourself

You may accomplish much, and be loved

by many

but feel worthless and alone inside.

10

Mind Free

When you do nothing

You do everything

Stop to think.  Clear your mind

11

For Doubters

They tell me

 I’m wasting my time with all this ,

“creativity”

I tell’em,

 “Well, I rather be dead!

Cuz I already am without it!”

Can’t you see?

I’m a mo’fuckin’ genius!

What’s wrong with creativity?”

12

Weariness

If you faint not

If you faint not

If your mind with criticism from others

you taint not

If doubt on your canvas

you paint not

If your sacred vision you restraint not

You shall flourish

If you faint not.

13

Weak Spot Courage Chant

Please give me strength

to write again

When darkness falls,

Still, I pick up that pen

if I fall,

I record the sin

Breathe-

take it in

Distribute my vulnerabilities

let them see

the true,

the inner me.

14

Cory Ballad 2019

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